Today I want to get serious about a subject that is incredibly personal and has impacted and changed my life completely. I want to talk about suicide and how to cope after someone who you care for takes their life.
How do you navigate through that gut punch that leaves a hole in your core? How can you support yourself and also those around you? Suicide affects us all and doesn’t care about your skin color, how much money you have, or how good of a childhood that you had. It is unbiased about who it affects and does care about the unanswered questions that it leaves behind.
When A Loved One Commits Suicide
Within the age of technology, where our world is connected through our fingertips we see and hear about what feels like a never-ending chronicle of suicide related deaths, from celebrities to your next door neighbors kindergartner, you yourself might even be contemplating it now.
If you are, I want you to know that life will get better, it most likely won’t be tomorrow or even the next day. It will be down a road of self-care, therapy, and a belief in yourself to not give up, not for your mom, or dad, or best friend, but a promise to keep going because you deserve to feel happy and to live a life worth living. I promise that that will happen, but you have to fight for yourself.
I’ve been right where you are and I am a living breathing example of a person who succumbed to darkness and at the last moment reached out and began a climb out into a life that is worth living every day, even the bad days. If you need help, there is a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, it provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, you can reach them at 1-800-273-8255.
If you are reading this and someone you know, be it a family member, a significant other, or a friend has committed suicide, I am so sorry. I have been there, and the pain is excruciating and unspeakable.
The Alliance of Hope is a grief support resource for suicide loss survivors that offers many different tools to help you through the different stages of grief. They also offer online support groups as well as a directory through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in the US, Australia, Brazil, Canada and China. They also have support groups for those in the UK through the Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide foundation.
I didn’t know that any of these groups existed when my ex-boyfriend, my first love, took his life after our breakup. I highly encourage finding a group of people who share the same experiences to heal with.
Here are a few other ways to help you cope when a loved one commits suicide
- Find a support group.
Find others in your community who understand the kind of loss that you are experiencing.
- Go to therapy, individual or group.
Therapy is one of the methods that I chose to help me understand what just happened. I was able to get one on one support and also tools and resources to help me to cope with loss.
- Write a letter to your loved one and say everything you need to say and then destroy or discard it.
This exercise really helped me to get so much off my chest, that I could not have otherwise said to my ex. I advise to get rid of the letter to release your raw emotion into the universe, so it doesn’t stay inside of you.
- Read a book on suicide and loss.
Here is a resource that lists books for survivors of suicide.
Things that you should know as a survivor
- Understand that you are not alone in this.
- Friends and family are experiencing the same loss as you are, please be patient with them.
- No matter what your relationship to the deceased, this was not your fault. It was a choice that they made.
- Things seem hard now, but they will get better.
- It’s okay to be angry.
- It’s okay to cry.
- Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol will only make you feel worse. (Trust me. I know.)
- Survivors guilt is real. You absolutely deserve to live and be happy.
- The closure that you need will have to come from within you.
- It’s okay to need space. Just don’t stay isolated.
I hope you enjoyed this article! If so, please don’t forget to like, share, comment and subscribe!
About Jasmine:
***UPDATE (as of 02/11/2020): Jasmine Wyrick’s blog, The Post-It Note is Unavailable.
Jasmine is the founder and author of The Post-It Note, a blog that promotes self-love to reduce the impacts of depression, anxiety and trauma while building confidence for women. She is a lover of all things fashion, food, and makeup.
She is also extremely passionate about helping people and believes that you can improve the lives of others through daily small acts of kindness. When she is not writing, she is playing with her fur babies Rose and Harvey or cooking something bomb in the kitchen.
Check out her blog and
Pinterest: thepostitnoteblog
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That’s so sad. 🙁
Someone I know committed suicided very long time ago. Back then I was a kid so did not understand what is going around.
I’m sorry, that must have been really confusing for you.
It is my feeling that everyone should be in some sort of therapy, talking to someone, even if you’re feeling fine. It really helps to open up about your life. I’ve never experienced a suicide but have been close to others who did and it is a gut wrenching experience. Know that you are not alone and seek help.It’s ok to have the emotions you’re feeling.
Thank you, I’ve had many years to process and deal with that chapter of my life. I’m moving forward to help others process now.
Going through the suicide of a dear one must be excruciating. I cannot imagine the overwhelming pain and the anger and the guilt .. And also, the difficulty of finding the right person and place to talk about it and feel supported. It’s so brave to share such an experience and offer help and advice to others.. Yes, seek help is surely the key, to let it out, to see you’re not alone, and find the needed support to overcome the experience..
As someone who has suffered too many instances of losing her loved ones this way over the years, I can say right now it is not easy. It’s rough on those left behind because you feel as if you could have done more. Counselling helps and I think is something everyone should make use of, because life can get pretty tricky. Also I wish more people understood the importance of mental health care instead of being afraid of it or scoffing at it. Life is meant to be enjoyed and as we take care of our bodies and hair and work, we need to do the same with our minds and emotions.
I am a huge advocate for therapy! It has saved my life. We have to find the compassion for us when we go through trauma. I’m happy I was able to give myself that.
I am sorry for the lost.
Talking about it openly will ease your pain and letting others to be mindful as well.
Absolutely, my pain may be someone else’s solution to their problems.
We have had a rash of students attempt suicide recently and it is so traumatic on the other kids. They feel like it is somehow their fault. I stress to all of them to seek help and understand that they could do nothing but be a good friend and a support system to those around them.
This breaks my heart. It sounds like you are doing your best to comfort these kids.
It’s kinda terrifying and scary to read this! No one can be fully prepared for the loss of a loved one talkless of a losing one in this manner.
I’m all up for whatever it can take to heal the pain
You have a good heart. When I was younger I was sucidal and during college my ex boyfriend killed himself after we broke up. I’ve been there in every kind of way and I know enough to know that sometimes everything you have is not enough, they have to want to live and all we can do is just be there.
A friend of mine killed himself at the end of last year and I’ve felt pretty lost about it since. Thank you for the resources and the hard-won tips. It helped.
I’m so so sorry to hear that. I’m glad you were able to find comfort and assistance in my blog. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk! [email protected]
It must be so difficult to handle such a situation when someone close is suddenly gone.Good to understand your perspective and empathize.
It definitely was very difficult to move forward after that, but I had a choice to make and I chose life. I’m glad you enjoyed my blog. 😊
Thank you for sharing part of your story. It’s certainly a topic that needs more conversation. I struggle with gaining understanding of some of the common red flags. I would hate to know someone is in my personal circle contemplating taking their life and not have a clue!
Sometimes there are no signs unless that person wants you to know and that’s the truly awful thing about depression. It is a silent killer, so it’s best to always check up on your loved ones, especially the strong ones.
I cannot stand the term commit suicide. That adds to the negative stigma around suicide, and just makes it that much harder to talk about. It’s not a crime, but the term commit makes it sound like it is. It’s so much deeper than that. I much prefer the term died by suicide instead.
These are great tips that I hope I will never need. It’s so scary when loved ones struggle with depression and other forms of mental illness.
This is such a great post. Often times, families are left with unimaginable pain when their relatives commit a suicide and coping is difficult.